“People who hide
their feelings usually care the most, Jean”.”No! That’s not true. He never
loved me, he only loves you”, I rebuked my sister furiously. “All he cares is
you, everything about you. He never loved nor pampered me as his daughter “.
I came from a
family which I would describe as depressed. My parents quarreled almost all the
time over small matters. Sometimes, I just feel like I want to run away from them but
I could not. All they have in this small house is me ever since my sister
furthered her studies in USM, Penang. I would be their intermediary whenever
both of them had a falling-out. All I can do is just be patient and listen
to all their complaints without citing anyone. However, I am only a human and I
cannot be as patient as Job all the times especially when my father exceeded my
patience limit.
Frankly speaking, I
hate my father. He only showers his love for my sister. Why did I say so? My
father used to be a chef. Whenever he cooked or attempted a new recipe, I would
be his food taster especially when it comes to my favorite food, crab! I don’t
really mind until he asked “How was the taste? Delicious? If it is, then I will
cook for your sister when she comes back”. Oh my, somehow I feel like I am the
food taster for the emperor in olden dynasty days. Maybe I should just look at
the positive side. It is normal after all to cook something for his daughter
that long did not come back and most importantly she is far from home. Aside
from food, whenever he got free gifts from his friends, he will give it all to
my sister without giving me a single piece. “Fine! He only loves sister more
than me”- the tag line that keeps lingering in my mind.
Papa never
compliment on my success either in studies or sports. He doesn’t even show his
support in everything I did. He never turned up for sports day to watch me in
100m, 200m and 4 x100m sprints. Unlike my mother and my only sister, they
encourage and give moral support in all the competitions I participated. Here I must express my gratitude to my mother
because it is her that makes me who I am today. She may not be the perfect
mother in the world but she definitely is in my heart.
Posing with friends after finishing the race.
My father does
not like animal at all because he said they are all dirty which is very
disparate from me who is a die-hard animal lover and whose ambition is to be a
veterinarian. He does not allow me to rear any pets but being the rebellious
me, I rear not one but two cats. I even feed and offer shelter when it rains
for the stray dogs. He frequently scolded me and talked bad about my cats with
my neighbor who also does not like cats and dogs. What I cannot stand any
longer is that whenever he came home drunk, he will kick my cats or beat them.
How I wish I do not have a father like him. I even scolded him silently in my
heart. Worst of the worst, he always looked down on my ambition by saying that
it is the most ridiculous career ever for being an animal doctor. Even most of
my relatives said the same too. As the proverb goes, ‘when the going gets
tough, the tough gets going’. I will not give up on my ambition regardless all
the criticisms. I will do anything to achieve my ambition.
My polydactyl cat.
16th May
2014 was the happiest day ever! I was offered to pursue study for Diploma in
Animal Health and Production in UPM, Bintulu campus, Sarawak. My father
encouraged me to go but a few days later, he was signaling me not to go. He
said that it will cost a lot of money and it will be better for me to enroll
into Pahang matriculation which I already had it in my hand. This would be the
turning point of my life. Where should I go? I felt so lost for several days.
Finally with all the advices from my school teacher, I decided to go after
diploma. I shall go far away from home so that papa will love me as how he
loves my sister.
A day before I left
for Bintulu, papa cooked many of my favorite dishes. He said ‘this is the last
meal that I cooked for you’. My eyes misted over. I was holding back my tears.
I kept saying that the chilies are freaking spicy till I almost cry. I really do not like when he said that
sentence because I feel that as if we are not going to meet again. I understand
his disturbance. He had a minor stroke years ago and his health has been
deteriorating ever since that. He afraid that 3 years later, I might not see him anymore. Then he asked “
Why don’t you have any reaction when I said this is the last meal I prepared
for you?”. Pearl-shaped tears streaming down my face. I cannot hold it anymore.
“Must you ask that question?”, I said. What surprised me most was my father.
Tears strolled down his cheek like a small kid and a joyous lunch somehow
turned into a crying session where papa, mummy and I cried like nobody
business. I have never seen my father cried before. This
reminded me of what my sister always said, “Papa loves you Jean. He just don’t
know how to show it”. Everybody stopped eating and rolls of tissue finished in
just minutes. Papa said that he is afraid that he might cry as well when he is
walking my sister down the aisle on her big day. I can feel him. All he has are
two daughters. One will be getting married soon and the other will be studying in
‘overseas’.
A month later, it
was my sister’s wedding in Penang. I was so excited because this was the first
time I became the bridesmaid. When walking down the aisle, I can see Papa’s
eyes were getting red but he managed to control his feeling. It was difficult
to let go of his daughter to another man after all.
Happy family photo with a new family member!
Martin Luther
King. Jr once said, “I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a
burden to bear”. I have repeated the word ‘never’ many times. What I can say
now is that we must never say that we hate our parents. There is no time like
the present. We should all fulfill our filial piety before it is too late. We
might not know when is the last time. Parents love us, but in different ways.
Just because their eyes don’t tear,
don’t mean their hearts don’t cry. Appreciate and cherish every moment
together with your family members.
What’s more?
Papa, mummy I love you!
I tend to be very gassy whenever I have a seafood meal. For
my 17th birthday dinner, we had satisfying and mouth-watering
seafood that was so good that I didn’t want to leave that place. As usual, I
started farting when I got in the car all the way back home. My dad decided to
join in and it became a fart war. When we got into the elevator, me and my dad
plotted plans to release our ultimate atomic fart that is toxic enough to kill
all the brain cells because it makes everything worse when it’s an enclosed
area. It was my turn to release the gas. But when I did, at the same time, the
elevator door decided to open. I looked up and saw my neighbor. To make things
worse, my fart was a loud one. He covered his nose and gave me the “what died
in your ass” look. I panicked and ran as fast as I could. From that day
onwards, I could’ve sworn that he avoided me because I never saw him again.
